Ok it's taken a few months for me to write another post. I wasn't sure what I wanted this blog to be. I have since figured it out. It's my journal. Like probably most everyone on the planet I'm just trying to get by. Trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. I'm deflated though. Those who care about me still comment that I don't look happy. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I want simplicity. I don't want to feel like I'm drowning. I can't remember the last time I felt like everything was just fine the way it was. I need to learn how to say no. I need to learn to speak up and have my voice heard.
I don't want to worry about what everyone else does or doesn't have, I don't want to feel responsible for anything other than myself. I don't want to even feel responsible for my husband. I want to feel in partnership with him. It's so off kilter though. It is starting to right itself which is giving me hope. We've had the longest winding road uphill with everything that's happened over the past 5-6 years.
I feel though that Mike is really trying to show me how much he wants our future to be together and strong. That makes me happy.
I rejoined Weight Watchers for like the 10th time. What a mind trip that was to decide to go back. I've been wearing my fitbit for about 4 weeks now. I just love it. I knew I would, but I'm surprised at how much. I like how it feels when I reach my step goal for the day. It buzzes and flashes 10,000. It's pretty cool.
We will see how I did this week next Tuesday. I'd love to see a water loss but I've haven't had a good week one for a gazillion years. It's usually .5 of a pound. 1 pound maybe. It's a slow process. Blah blah blah it didn't take a year to put on so why would it only take a year to come off. Because I damn well want it too.
Still, I'm just taking everything one decision at a time. Not even one day. Just one decision.
Escalator or Stairs, Muffin or Fruit, Crystal Light or Diet pop, Hot dog or Frozen Entree.
If I break it down to just each decision then it doesn't feel so bad.
Now if I could only get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. All would be right with the world. (Well at least while I was sleeping)
